EQUALITY FOR ALL!!!

Being a mother, holding a baby in your arms, caring for that little person who came to this world thanks to you. Feeding them with your milk, making sure that they are happy and healthy. Protecting them and creating opportunities for them to become whoever they want to become. Supporting them at 5 when they tell you that they are going to be an actor, then at 7 when they tell you they are going to become someone who creates things from loombands. Taking them to gymnastics, choir practise, football, street dance, swimming, piano lessons, violin lessons, judo…  teaching them all you know, hoping that one day they are going to spread their wings and fly higher than you ever could.

Ever since I was a little girl I knew that I was going to have a family. I was lucky to find someone I love and have children with him. We were lucky that there were no complications and both our children came healthy to this world and I hadn’t suffered from any serious conditions during the two pregnancies. But what if I had? What if we had to choose between my life and the life of our unborn child? OR What if we DIDN’T have ANY CHOICE?

Right now Polish government is ‘plotting’ against Polish women. They are planning to violate their human rights, together with the catholic church, trying to change the law which says that abortion can be performed when the woman’s life is in danger or if the pregnancy is the effect of a rape. The self-righteous politicians from the ruling party called Law and Justice together with the sanctimonious clergy officials are yet again trying to inslave Polish women by denying them the right to DECIDE for THEMSELVES. If the new bill is approved Polish women won’t have any right to DECIDE.

WE WOMEN are the people who bring other people into this world! We are the people who are judged by the society if we get pregnant too early or are left by the father of the baby if he doesn’t feel like being a father yet or ever! We are the ones who have to deal with the problems of being a sigle parent most of the time and therefore we are the ones who should be given the choice whether or not we want to go through all this, after all, we are the ones who after making such difficult decisions will have to deal with our emotions, heartache, guilt and doubt whether that was the right choice.

In my opinion women all around the world should fight for the right to decide for themselves and not only about abortion but about every aspect of their life.

Despite having another female Prime Minister, Polish women cannot count on her to support them. She is just ‘a strategy’ to gain the trust of the female electorate but she has no individual voice or opinion. We need more women politicians who are empowered and ready to represent other women and not only their own interests.

A destitute woman is still a ubiquitous image in our world. Let’s change the laws and pass new bills to give them equal opportunities and abortion will not be a problem.

Let me know what you think.

‘Woman, bring me some food!’ bellows the male population of Poland at their female spouses. ‘Serve me and my friends and everyone that visits our house because it’s below me to cook and do the dishes.’

My grandmother used to say ‘Przez żołądek do serca mężczyzny.’ ( through a man’s stomach to his heart ) and she cooked, even though she hated it and was really bad at it, too. If you think that the madness stopped with our grandmothers you don’t know Poland, do you?

Polish men say that it’s a woman’s job to cook, and they toss in a well thought through that kitchen is her ‘rightful place’. They also joke that a kitchen towel or a rolling pin, or a pan are her ‘weapons of choice’ which a frustrated wife, who works full time, takes care of children, the house and her husband brandishes from time to time. Wouldn’t you?

Polish men also say that men are the best chefs in the world and they spread that propaganda to make sure that their women know, that what they do in the kitchen is just for amateurs, and that if they only wanted to they would be very successful professional cooks…but they don’t want to so they aren’t…but if they only wanted to they would be, you know!

I believe they only propagate these ideas to make sure that women feel less confident about themselves and their skills. I also believe that for centuries they actually created these visions of themselves being superior to women, so they could believe that everything  they made us do during those centuries was not worth their attention, but if they only wanted to they would be better at it than women. If they only wanted to they would better us at giving birth. They even started saying ‘we are pregnant’…Personally, I don’t know what people are trying to prove saying that but I really wish he could have been pregnant for at least the last month of the ‘miracle of life’, it would have saved me a lot of unpleasant memories. On the other hand, if it was to be like with the cooking – I do most of the work but he than claims to have done the hardest bit and I get to listen to it for the rest of my life – no, I think I’m glad I did it all by myself.

Going back to the occupation of a chef, however, I think there is a superior power at work here who served their justice to the Polish men with a pinch of salt ( it must have been Mother Nature ) as a great number of the masculine macho men got jobs as cooks and chefs of all kinds in the British Isles. Irony?

There are thousands of women who are fabulous professional chefs but they don’t brag about it as much as men – British or Polish. I urge you talented women! Scream and shout about your talents! Come out of the shadows of the impertinent male chefs and shine!

As for these women who hear ‘Woman, bring me my food!’ from their men, I encourage you to tell them that you’d like to move to Great Britain 🙂

Yes, I like women and I’m happy to state that publickly!

Since my arrival to Scotland I have changed the way I think about many things particularly my perception of women has changed.

As a person from a country where women are not respected, where they have stereotypes thrown at their faces all the time, where sayings such as ‘ a woman off the cart easier for the horses’ are still used on a daily basis, I was always of the opinion that women were not the ‘interesting’ prt of the human race and I always preferred the male company, simply because my own opinions have been based on the things I had observed and heard around me. Also, all of the women around me seemed to accept the roles they had been assigned by the male part of the society and talked about nothing other than house holds, new recipes, cleaning methods and often how fat and ugly one of their female friends got, taking the opportunity as she wasn’t there. All of that they discussed with an air of competition surrounding the conversations. What were they competing for? The title of the best housewife? The most beautiful one? The best lover? All prompted by the so called culture of their country, the comments of their men. The pressure had been put on them from the moment they were born until they were old enough to stop caring…

Since I came to Edinburgh I have met so many women who are not only intelligent but also sure of who they are and confident. Their confidence inspires me and I like… no, I love spending time with them, talking to them about anything and everything and I crave their company. They helped me realise my potential and I learned from them that women can be great interesting friends who do not exist to compete for men’s approval.

I LOVE WOMEN!

P.S. I think I owe it to my significant other – I LOVE YOU, TOO!

I have published a joke that I have come up with and hope you will find it funny.If you find it controversial, maybe it’s because it’s ment to be…

I hope you will like it. I will try to come up with and publish at least one a week. If you have any ideas yourselves or would like to comment – don’t hesitate!

May the Girl Power be with you!

Dear all,

My long silence has been caused by many contributing factors, it was not, however, due to a lack of topics to be covered, a ‘writers impotence’ caused by a muse leaving my mental premises or any other kind of mental infertility caused by the lack of something that gives this certain state of mind which is very productive and helps you achieve what you’ve set out to achieve.

The silence was the effect of a sudden abundance of topics, events and people in my life and a sudden physical response to it that I tend to have when I don’t know what to prioritise – the stillness of extremities! The questions that cause this reaction are always the same… more or less. Is it the house and the spouse and the children that I focus on or is it the ever so important contacts with friends and other people that have become an important part of my life, or is the focus the work that bears more worries than fruit, or the writing that can never be nothing more than a hobby ( according to my low self esteem ), or a new challenge of a post graduate course that I have taken on hoping to gain some more knowledge, some more involvement, more answers for myself and others, more respect and more recognition? That’s right! I want all of these things! But I tend to focus on things that give me little pleasures and little respect or recognition, hardly any new knowledge and a lot of involvement… home, children and husband.

One could argue that the kind of service a mother provides at home requires many various skills and a need to perfect ones knowledge on many different topics and in many diverse areas. I haven’t noticed, however, headhunters offering jobs to  women who specialise in mediation between teenagers and their fathers. There are no agencies offering well paid jobs to female specialists with long life experience for giving advice on how to cook healthy meals for a family of four for less than £10 or where to go with your children for a weekend to ‘spend a little but live a lot’. No one tells a woman with a degree but who has never worked and wants to take on a job in her field after her children have left the nest, that she can start her career according to her age and experience ( as she has plenty from home ) because it’s irrelevant. But why?!

My family life and raising children have given me so much experience! My children have ‘pushed’ me to explore the paths that I would have never chosen if it hadn’t been for their interests and their life quests. My husband has opened my eyes to many things that I haven’t seen before because I was focused on my thoughts and ideas. They all have shown me a whole other world and have given me the experience that I wouldn’t have gained otherwise. A happy family is a reward in itself… or is it a phrase that men have come up with for us to feel bad if we want something more for our efforts. And would it be viewed the same if men were the majority of parents staying home with children, required to do what we do, sometimes even without as much as ‘thank you’ and far, so far away from getting a good job thanks to their exceptional experience as a father and a husband?

Who would like to start a Mothers of the World University with me?

My friend lives in Scotland and is happy…

She chose to live here after a life time of wandering and looking for a society where she could be herself. Has she found what she was looking for? Well, let me tell you her story and then you will be able to decide for yourselves.

She was born in a country that underwent huge changes and collapsed. When she was twelve, her country ceased to exist and she had to leave to find a new home with her parents. And that’s just the beginning of her story. Was it easy for her and her parents to start a new life in a country not that different from the one she grew up in? No. It never is. especially if you are considered an enemy just because of your country of birth.

Not knowing the language, without any friends ( it’s difficult to make friends if you cannot communicate easily and people aren’t very keen on becoming your friends to find one ), bullied and disrespected because of who she was, she had lived her teenage life and youth in a country that had made it clear it would never become her fatherland but a mediocre substitute, a step-fatherland if anything like that could exist. I am saying this with a guilt and shame because it’s my country of origin. Despite all those experiences, she gave that country everything she could possibly give. She was a great student, respected other people and the law knowing she would not get the same in return. She worked very hard and finished her Masters degree.

Along the way she had met someone… And here you’d think the story should end with a happy ever after. It doesn’t.

They met at university and fell in love. But it was a forbidden love. The kind of love that prudish people frown upon and Catholics stone you for it. In a country where most people declare to be catholic that kind of love is never happy. So they tried to deny it and give each other a chance for ‘a normal life’. But love conquers it all and triumphs in the end! And so they left their promising careers at university and stopped thinking about their PhDs. Instead they chose a life together without constant looking over their shoulder, making sure that no one from work sees them kiss or hold hands.

They came to Scotland. They chose happiness. They got married and have a son. Because they did not have a very good English when they came here, they had to start climbing the ladder of social and economic success from the very bottom. Ten years later they talk about their family openly and hold hands in public. Their son is their greatest love and joy. Do they still fear prejudice and human intolerance and our capability to hate if we don’t understand? What do you think?

I’m afraid there are still many people quick with their words of hatred. If only they were as quick with their empathy and compassion toward other people.

Both of these women are wonderful human beings, amazing parents, fantastic friends, dedicated employees and extremely compassionate people.

I admire you both for who you are and what you do! Together we will change the world!

This coming year is a very significant year for me. In July I will be 40 and so I have two lists that I need to tick things off. The first one contains the usual, boring stuff that most women jot down for the sake of it and not to feel too guilty about the lazy Christmas period. On top of the list you will find healthier food, more physical exercises, … at the bottom written in small font finding a better partner, but it’s just for fun and to laugh with friends because, of course, after so many years ( almost 40 ) one knows that there is no such thing as better, could be only newer but who’s got the money for that! LOL!

Making lists, whether they contain New Year’s resolutions or anything else has never been my thing. I can usually think of 3 to 4 points easily but then I stumble upon my own incompetence of thinking ahead and into the future, predicting the outcomes for my own actions… I blame my upbringing and too much processed food for this. Perhaps the lack of vitamin d3 is also to blame. It doesn’t really matter because whatever I write I seem to forget as I always and uninentionally misplace the list…

Yes, the unimportant one that bears no consequence but the ‘To do before 40’ is far more important. It contains a lot of little things, e.g.: a ride on the Star Ride in Winter Wonderland ( check BTW ) but also big, even huge things! I’m not going to tell you any more details except for the one that seems the most important to me and I would argue that it should be equally important to everyone else – To find all the answers to the questions and problems that have been troubling you, making your life unbearable, because of the unknown which by extention means fear and that means stress. Although I have to say, I think I have found most of the answers and because of what I’ve found out I have been feeling threatened and fearful. It’s being someone different, doesn’t matter where and in what way, is the most difficult experience. It’s the lack of understanding and unwillingness to get to know or accept the ones who are different.

I have more of these bitter thoughts but will save some for more posts. I hope You have more positive experiences and wish you all the best in the coming New Year!!! Have fun and be safe and stay Human!!!

When I was a child I believed that nothing bad could happen to anyone on Christmas Eve. It was a magical time of the birth of God’s son. time when everyone was kind, loving and forgiving… well, at least in the stories that I heard. Families got together, special food was prepared, nothing fancy, just simple, traditional dishes but tasting more deliciously than anything else because it was prepared only once a year and on the day of Christmas Eve only that one meal  would be served – the Christmas Eve Supper.

The house was always beautifully decorated. With a white table cloth and my parents’ best tableware on the table, our living room transformed into a place from a book or a film. Everyone was dressed very smart and the best effort was made not to spill barszcz ( the beetroot soup ) on the white tablecloth, which had to be linen and therefore mother made much more fuss if such a spill had occured, and despite the best effort it always had.

It was on Christmas Eve that we decorated our Christmas tree and opened our presents that came from the Star. But all of that was nothing comparing to the excitement that we all, well, all the children felt waiting for their pets to start talking at midnight! I was usually quite worried that my dog would complain about something as our father teased us that this would be the case… Unfortunately I never had a chance to check my father’s story as I couldn’t keep my eyes open until midnight.

There was also one other detail that fed my imagination. The place at the table left for a stranger, a person in need, who might come and knock on our door looking for some food and company on the very special night. I waited for years for someone to come and knock on our door, imagining who would it be and what the supper be like with a stranger. I didn’t feel fear just excitement and willingness to help. That’s what Christmas shoud be about, shouldn’t it? Opening your heart to others and helping or did I imagine it too?

We would often dine with extensive family and sing carols after the supper and opening our presents. Everything seemed so wonderful. The warmth of the house on a cold winter night, the decorated house, the family gathered together, the smell of food and spotless house…

It all seems but a distant memory. A child’s memory, so naive believing in the purity and goodness of the human kind… Today I hear people talk about presents for Christmas and that’s all there is to it in most cases. Endless lists of shoppings. Getting more stuff and more sruff but eventually it all lands in your rubbish… That’s the Grinch talking not me, well maybe me a little too. I do think that giving is wonderful and there is nothing more beautiful than a smile on your child’s face when they open their present but let’s make it one really good present and give the rest to those who can appreciate even a small present more. Let’s make some of our presents, not giving our money to those who have already more than enough and sell overprised things to have even more!

Let’s not exonerate the Scrooges of our times just because today they can hide their wealth better! Let’s boycotte their shops and their banks and wipe the smirks off their faces… Too strong? Well, I’m no longer a child nor am I naive and so I predict a nasty end for you Scrooge – You will go to hell!

‘I heard that a bomb exploded near my children’s school! I don’t know if they are safe, if they have been hurt! I don’t even think about the worst case scenario, I can’t! I need to get to them as soon as possible! Tears are running down my cheeks and I can’t stop shaking. I can’t catch my breath. The fear for my children’s lives is overpowering and I am no longer a woman – I am the Will to see them, to be with them, to make sure that they are OK, that they are ALIVE!
I cannot find anyone who’s not afraid to take me to the school. Everyone is scared for their life, I am scared for my children’s… I cry and I beg anyone that I can to help me get to my children! Finally a taxi driver takes me in the direction of the school but nowhere near where the attacks have occurred and where the school is… It doesn’t matter, even this far is better than nothing.
I am almost there. As I approach the school building I see the bullet holes in the walls. My heart starts pounding so hard I can almost taste the blood it’s pumping… Where are my children! I can hear myself screaming although my lips do not open…’
My Muslim friend has shared her story with me. She hasn’t used these exact words to describe what she had been through but as a mother I imagined that this is what I would feel. This happened 14 years ago but despite the time that has passed I could see that all the memories were very vivid and it was not easy for my friend to talk about these events. She fled her home country, Palestine, with her family, because of the attacks from their neighbours. They came to the UK where they have lived, worked and studied for many years.
This amazing woman, a wonderful mother and one of the kindest people I have met has been through something unimaginable with her family.
Trying to get a visa to come to the UK she almost lost her life. When she was going to the British embassy a bomb exploded right next to her. Her father started screaming ‘Just leave! Leave the country!’ Yes, who cares about the paperwork when every moment of every day could be your last.
They left. Not everyone was so lucky. They left hoping that one day they would be able to go back. They left not because they had a choice but because they did NOT! The choice had been made for them by the people with guns who did not care if they were aiming at school children or bombing hospitals.
Is what they’ve found here a better life? Persecution because of their faith, accusations and prejudice against them because of ignorance and bias in media.
No bombs and guns but verbal abuse. Who said that words don’t hurt? Bad words are always first and shortly after bad actions follow.

Dear friends, and friends of my friends and people who accidentally have ventured onto the pages of this blog, whould you care to comment or start a discussion about any of these posts? I feel lonely here…