EQUALITY FOR ALL!!!

I dreamed a dream of a world where women had the power. A world, where they were the heads of governments, spiritual leaders and held the highest positions in all countries. Men led peaceful and full lives, using their physical strength and intelects to create, teach and nurture because there were no wars and conflicts were solved amicably…

Today, when we hear the news on TV or listen to the radio we are constantly ‘bombed’with the images of soldiers or terrorists – men with guns fighting for money and power – and we listen to news about the war somwhere far away, we listen to emotionless voices referring to us the numbers of killed and wounded and we don’t care … until we hear a familiar name and find out that there is a ‘real’ threat to ourselves. Then we are looking around trying to find someone to blame and there is always a ‘friendly’ politian to direct our eyes in the ‘right’ direction which is always away from him. There is always a ‘friendly’ reporter who doesn’t want to make money or career reporting the news (the longer the better) no! They all want to tell us their very objective truth…

The truth is that there is always someone to blame, an easy target, someone who is different because they look different, dress different, talk different or think different. Very often the victims of hate crime are women and girls! Why? Because they are fisically weaker and therefore pose no threat to, in most cases, men who abuse them verbally. These women are also often accompanied by their children, who are often very young. Do you expect to be verbally abused when you go shopping with your family? Do you expect to hear people calling you names and swearing at you when you are strolling in the part? Some of my friends experience that because of their appearance. I have experienced that because of my country of origin. The real reason for this kind of behaviour however is ignorance and the fear it creates.

The fear clouds our judgement and we lose perspective on things. The best example are recent events that have left thousands of people terrified and confused. Who are the attackers? Why are they hurting people? We can be certain of one thing – we don’t have the required ‘security clearance’ to find out but the masters of puppets are pulling the strings and we are all suffering one way or another because of that.

I dreamed a dream of a just and compassionate society called a human race, where everyone was equal and there was no money or power and every person regardless of age and abilities was equally respected…

It all starts with christening … or does it? The imagination of parents to be, starts limiting their children even before they are born. Not because they don’t want what’s best for their children, no… but because of what is best for their children in their eyes. What is best for a girl in her catholic parents’ eyes? According to the stereotypes that I had to face when I was young, a good catholic girl has to be obedient ( to serve her man better ), responsible ( cause his mum and clergymen told him that he doesn’t have to be ), neat and tidy and CLEAN ( with a touch of OCD ). But above all she has to be a good wife material which requires a degree from university so she can work professionally in the future and bring money home but if she earns more than him she shouldn’t throw it in his face and make him feel bad about it! She also shouldn’t be smarty pants and unbearable know it all because a good catholic girl is humble and respects her man. She should be very modest but great in bed. She should be able to fulfill her man’s every fantasy and desire but shouldn not be slutty. When the family gets bigger she takes care of them all and she stays on top of everything : the house, her work, his work, the up bringing of children but most of all makes sure he’s in good mood. The only part that she is not required to tend to is the money. She can have some, of course, but she doesn’t really need much because, let’s face it, she doesn’t need a car because her man has a driving licence and why would she need a driving licence if women are bad drivers anyway; also a laptop or a computer is a ‘big boy’s toy’ so if she needs to use the internet she can use his, if she asks him first,  of course, and if she was good. A new phone is for him, she can have his old one, all she does with it is call her friends so even this one is too much. She can get a new vacuum cleaner for Christmas, she will need it afterwords and the man of the house is able to show his generosity…

Thankfully my parents were not so narrow mided and not exactly the perfect catholic husband and wife so I have experienced only some of the things I have described. But the social pressure was and still is great, especially in a country where everyone is supposed to be equal, have everything the same, know the same be the same and think the same in the eyes of God an the party, someone who stands out gets a fair share of bullying.

Regardless of your religion and country of origin, I think you can find at least a few common points with the stereotypical perception of ‘a good catholic girl’ as it’s not really about being catholic but about being a girl, who is no match for the Father, Son and the very masculine Holy Spirit.

As a woman and a mother of two girls I have been observing todays world very closely and am very sorry to report that, even though there is a lot of talk about gender equality and more opportunities for women to get executive positions, there is still a lot of pressure on young girls to look beautiful but not to be heard and definitely not in the manner that boys are being heard.

Also as an immigrant I have had the opportunity to compare the way different cultures approach the subject of  feminism and gender equality and I feel we all have a lot of work to do if we want a better life for our daughters.

So here I am … ready to start my blog. I hope you are ready to start writing it with me?

I sometimes might get emotional writing it but it’s not because I’m a woman – it’s because I’m HUMAN!

Chapter 1       A Girl

I often go back in time in my head to the moment when I first realised I was not feeling happy in my own skin and started thinking that it would be better to be a boy. I was four at the time but I can remember the situation as clearly as if it was yesterday.

My fathers’ sister came with a visit with her sons and I noticed a difference in the way the adults were treating me and my sister and the boys. I don’t remember exactly what it was but the uncomfortable feeling of being worse started haunting me and I decided that it was a curse to be a helpless girl and that I would rather be a boy than a girl.

As a girl I was always surrounded by very strong and courageous women and weak, lazy but necessary men. They were necessary because a woman without a man was something unthinkable, why? Tradition? The way it has been for centuries?

No one has ever said anything like that to me but I can only guess that WWII and the communist regime have left my female role models vulnerable and believing that they need the protection of  males.

So present as they were, they hardly ever made any difference until they got angry or drunk, which was a lot and then they would become the unwanted presence. Hated and despised by their offsprings they had no idea how to change or make amends to their families or even to say sorry.

It has not been long since I understood that the way Polish families bring up their boys leaves them emotionally crippled and unhappy for life as they are not willing, in fact it is out of the question, to admit that they were wrong or made a mistake.

But it is true not only about Polish society. Stereotypes regarding gender are ubiquitous and people everywhere raise children telling girls that they shouldn’t do things and not telling boys off because ‘boys will be boys’.

I would love to hear about your experieces and thoughts on the subject of sexism but not only.

if you feel that you have something iportant to say to other women, people, anyone, let me know!